11.2.12

Sometimes I feel extremely tired of being independent. I cook my own dinner, pay my own bills, repair my own car. After work I come home and talk to my cat. Or the wall when my cat is sleeping. When I'm sick, I drive myself to the clinic, and make my own porridge. Or when I have no energy, I just wont eat. My bedroom is dark, cos the lamp blew, and I can't reach to change it.

I wonder, if I smoke, will I feel more relaxed? But I dont dare to try for fear of my lungs getting polluted. I wonder, if I drink alcohol, would I forget my troubles? But I don't dare to start, for fear of damaging my liver. I know if I jump, it might all stop... but my religion doesn't tolerate that and I'll be damned for life and beyond.

I feel like giving up, but I don't even know what I'm giving up on.


3 comments:

Ash said...

just get a ladder to change the light, because i think it's a good thing that you need to only depend on yourself to be happy :)

neynarre said...

Tak sampai jugak... Sedih. Then nak call Mr Handyman, but watch too much csi and criminal minds, jadi takut. Me and my imagination. Unless i could get horatio to do for me... Hahaha

yongE said...

oh saat ini kau recall balik apa dalila cakap time lampu bilik die rosak tuh eh??
but dear, is normal apa sometimes ko rasa empty..down.. yg x normal is nena yg sntiasa hepi yg org igt mcm takde masalah..
dun worry, i know u will get over this feeling soon.. n enjoy us..